On my day off, on the 21st of December, I booked and paid for my flights. Here is the travel plan:
Sydney to Cairns - March 10th
Cairns to Alice Springs - March 17th
Ayers Rock to Perth - March 22nd
Perth to Melbourne - April 1st
Melbourne to Sydney - April 10th
Sydney to Los Angeles to Minneapolis Toronto - April 21st
In Cairns I really want to go sky diving and snorkelling at the Great Barrier Reef. Ayers Rock, in Uluru, is perhaps one of the most beautiful natural wonders of the world so I must see that. One of my favourite MC’s, DOOM (formerly MF DOOM/Zev Love X), is performing is Perth on March 25th, so I have already bought a ticket to go see the show. As well, I want to check out Rottnest Island, home of the Quokka. My time in Melbourne will be divided between the city itself and the island of Tasmania, where I plan on spending the majority of my time. I plan of checking out Canberra, during my last 10 days in Sydney, since it has some of the best urban bicycle paths in the world and even a free bicycle museum.
I have completed reading Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. The ending is amazing and the afterword made me cry. The three books I ordered from Amazon.com arrived by mail earlier this week and so I started to read Tao of Jeet June Do by Bruce Lee. Benny, who gives me the “Larry David stare” every day as his bus rolls up (although in a joking way), has of course nicknamed me Bruce Lee. Benny is perhaps one of the most jokes characters I have ever encountered and I can never tell whether he is being serious or fucking with me to have a laugh. The 7th bus has been repaired and added to the fleet: 429. This is 429’s first round in quite some time and Johnny keeps commenting on how smooth it handles. One thing that really pisses me off is that he keeps calling me JAMES. Not just today, I mean for the last 3 weeks, this guy has called me James well over fifty times, almost mocking me in the process. I decided to text Noelyne: “Johnny keeps calling me James. It’s getting really annoying! I know we probably all look the same to him anyways, but do you mind telling him my name is Matt?” Noelyne calls me and is cracking up and tells him that she will drill it into his head at the end of the day.
My first task of the day is to drop off some maps at Magical Memories, which is a photo and souvenir store sandwiched between the Sydney Aquarium and Wildlife World. When I knock on the glass, the owner named Tim opens the door and is very thankful that I am giving him the maps. He asks me how business is and I tell him that I just had my two best days on Friday and Saturday, doing $922 and $1410.
I arrive at my spot, there are some smoking hot biker chicks promoting the DVD release of The Expendables. I take the occasion to hit on one specifically, but get eclipsed in the process by one of the dudes these girls are with. This guy started to tool me by calling me short and I cut off his thread by laughing in agreement with him and calling him “my tattooed big brother on steroids”. When this guy would speak, I would just talk LOUDER than him. At one point I was even leaning on this guy, whilst gaming my target girl. Eventually he just got sick of me tooling him and picked the girl up, threw her on his shoulder, got on his motorcycle and rode off. The crew of other bikers and chicks soon followed and I saw their exodus as a symbolic one, almost to pay homage to the book I had just read.
By 1:00 PM I have already sold just over $800.
When Miles talked to me earlier this week, I saw it as a bad thing that he was giving me help. After seeing how much this has helped my sales increase the last two days, I realise that I was viewing the whole thing in a quite negative manner. My downfall is that I have developed this identity as a “great salesmen”. While reading Bruce Lee this morning, one thing struck a chord with me:
“Establish nothing in regard to oneself. Pass quickly like the non-existent and be quiet as purity. Those who gain lose. Do not precede others, always follow them.”
The men’s bathroom in Darling Harbour was severely vandalised last night and I am waiting behind some dude to use the handicapped stall. This guy looks strangely familiar and after asking him if he in line, he confirms that he is waiting to take a piss. I never forget a face ever, but I can’t quite put my finger on where I know him from. Finally after he gets out of the stall, he puts on these white rimmed sunglasses and my brain identifies him.
“Dude is your name Alex?” I politely ask.
“Yeah mate.” He nods.
“From RSD?”
“Yeah it’s me.”
The main self-help company that has really helped me become a man the last 2 years is called Real Social Dynamics. This guy, Alex, is one of the coaches in the company and I have read about 20+ of his articles. Alex isn’t the main dude who has motivated me and most of that comes from jlaix and Tyler Durden who are the founding members of RSD (Tyler owns the company). After being exposed to their work, I could never go back to being the same dude I used to be. Awesome shit and I let him know how much he and RSD and inspired me to step up in every aspect of my life. We only have 3 minutes to chat, and he lets me know that he is doing a free work shop on January 17th.
Once I get back to my spot, I am gleaming with happiness. This week I have noticed that for the first time in my life, I am able to control my happy state a lot longer than ever before. The concept of state will be something that will I discuss in depth way down the road, since I still haven’t quite figured out how to regulate my own state yet. State is basically your mood and when you are in the happy state, nothing bad happens.
By 4:00 PM I have sold $1300.
Scott set the record at IMAX in November: $1825. If I really focus on it hard enough I can break that record today. Once I close a group of 6 Italian dudes, I am so close to the goal. A group of 3 adorable girls walks by me and I yell HEY at them. They stop and ask me if this is where they can get a cab. I let them know that this is the spot to wait, since my bus stop is adjacent to a taxi stop zone. While the girls are waiting these Italian dudes are trying to game the girls up, but the language barrier seems to block them completely. The girls look bored and I tell the hottest one that I am more bored and that she must amuse me for 3 minutes. She starts:
“Well we shopping yesterday and I bought these shoes and this skirt. Then we went to IVY last night and got really drunk. We’re all from Melbourne and we just finished Uni for the year so we are here to party, but we leave tonight. I’m studying to be a doctor…” I cut her off mid-sentence.
“BORING!”
“You’re an asshole.”
“Yeah.”
“Do you think I look hot in this skirt?”
“Yeah.”
“Where are you from?”
“T DOT. Have you ever made out with an Italian before?”
“No. And I don’t want to either.”
“Cool. You’re so cute. I want to buy you a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates.”
“That’s so sweet!”
“Too bad you suck so much.”
“Fuck you! I hate you! DIE!”
“I love you baby.”
“I love you too.”
I go for the make out and get it, full tongue included. Meanwhile, there are 6 Italian dudes and her 2 friends standing about only 4 feet away…SHOCKED. A taxi arrives and her 2 friends have to peel her out of my grip. When they finally succeed in getting her in the cab, she yells that she’ll come back for me. The Italian guys give me mad props and tell me that I must visit Italy someday. Benny’s bus rolls up and he gives the stare again, but when I return the stare more intensely than his, he cracks up laughing.
At 5:25PM I am at $1600 exactly and waiting for Lenny’s bus to roll up. The happiness hasn’t dimmed all day and I am still focused on breaking the record. At one point I even try to convince 4 off duty police officers, who are getting smashed at the bar in the Ice Cube restaurant, to do the tour. Ultimately they are too intoxicated and when Lenny’s bus rolls up it dawns on me that today won’t be the day for breaking the record. Lenny lets 2 passengers off to use the ATM quickly, and since earlier in the day I showed him how to print tickets for a group of 20 people who each had an individual pre-paid voucher, I can have the sale for the 2 passengers. I finish the day with $1670, just short of breaking Scott’s I-MAXIMUM record.
When Miles gave me some pointers, I originally took it as a bad thing and it hurt my ego. Instead I should have seen it as a positive thing since Miles does have 25+ years of experience doing this job.
When I get back to the office I stare at the picture of Scott on the wall and visualize my photo on the wall.
When I get into to the office today (13th of December), Miles privately takes me into his office. “Alright Mate I want you to show me how you’re selling the tour. Ready? GO!” I decided to do my usual pitch that I feel since this pitch that I gave to the Dutch fellow last July, which resulted in me breaking the CSS Toronto record. This has become very tedious, and I basically explain the tour the same way to every customer in way that covers every possible aspect of the service.
When I am finished Miles looks at blankly and expresses, “Right…you’re doing it exactly the way I don’t want you to do it. You have to customise the tour for each passenger. This is their tour, not our tour, not my tour or and certainly not your tour. Personalise it: Tell the prospect that they can visit the attractions that they want to see. It is also important to get commitment from them and they will happily wait for the bus and be excited when it arrives. Try this proven strategy and you will notice that your sales will double. Patricia did $1560 one day last week and there is no reason why you can’t do the same.”
On the bus on my way to work I am in a shitty mood and Vicky can tell. She asks me what Miles said I explain to her that Miles told me to work on my technique. She empathetically listens to me for a few minutes and tells me that Patricia got lucky. Soon she puts on her headphones.
Such bullshit: I AM THE BEST!!! MY PITCH IS PERFECT!!! I AM ONE OF THE BEST SALES PEOPLE IN TORONTO, IF NOT THE WORLD!!! I'M A WORLD RECORD HOLDER!!! HOW DARE HE TRY TO GIVE ME ADVICE!!! I DON'T NEED HELP!!!
Of course, as though a self-fulfilled prophecy, I have my worst day yet and only sell $295.
While reading the last few chapters of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, a term called a “Gumption Trap” is presented:
“A gumption trap is an event or mindset that can cause a person to lose enthusiasm and discourage them from starting or continuing a project.”
Gumption is a fancy word for enthusiasm, which comes from an ancient Greek word “enthousiasmos”, which means inspired by or possessed by god. Furthermore, Pirsig breaks these traps down into two categories called “setbacks” and “hang-ups”.
Setbacks: thrown off the quality track by conditions that arise from external circumstances. E.g., when the cable on my bike snapped, I thought only the cable had to be replaced. But upon closer examination, I noticed that the threads on the bolt that keeps the cable in place were stripped must also be substituted for a new bolt.
Just before I left Toronto in November, my buddy 3-D was upgrading all of his old TV equipment to HD. 3-D patiently waited for all the items to go on sale and even bargained in a few instances to get the lowest price conceivable. It began with the Sony Blu-Ray DVD player. Next, he upgraded his DVR to an HD-DVR. Then came the Sony Dolby 5.1 Digital HDSurround Sound speakers. He even got some Blu-Ray DVD’s like the Die Hard Quadrilogy and Spider-man Trilogy, even though he didn’t have an HD TV yet. 3-D is the most knowledgeable person I have ever met when it comes to film and television in every aspect humanly imaginable. When it came time to buy the piece de resistance, a Sony 40” LCD Bravia HDTV, he invited me to Best Buy to get it with him and to help him set it up. Once we arrived to his apartment with the TV, he was the most zealous I have ever seen him in the 9+ years we have been friends. In his eyes I could see the gumption he had to set up the TV and all off the equipment.
Dread arrived while we were unboxing the screen and setting it up. Finally it was all it place and it looked fucking SICK. Everything was even the same shade of dark black. 3-D unwraps the remote, hits the power button to turn on the screen and for a brief second the Sony logo flashes across the screen…then the TV turns off. Now he just sits there hitting the on and off button hoping the TV will stay on, but it doesn’t. The brand new HDTV he has bought is defective. Now the TV must be disassembled, re-boxed, taken back to Best Buy, and replaced for another TV, which must be assembled. Due to this setback, all the gumption 3-D had is gone.
Hang-ups: thrown off the quality track by conditions that are primarily within yourself. Pirsig breaks hang-ups down into three categories:
Truth traps - block cognitive understanding
Muscle traps - block psychomotor behaviour
Value traps - block affective understanding
The main truth trap is yes-no logic: yes and no…this or that…one and zero. We don’t see that there is a third possibility and that to give a yes-no answer is an error in itself and should be unasked.
“When the Zen Monk Joshu was asked whether a dog has a Buddha nature he said ‘Mu,’ meaning that if he answered the question either way he was answering incorrectly. The Buddha nature cannot be answered by yes-or-no questions.”
Mu is a Japanese word that means no thing. No class; not one, not zero, not yes, not no.
Muscle traps are fairly rudimentary and include faulty tools, inadequate surroundings, physical discomfort and muscular insensitivity. In laymen’s terms: use good equipment, have good lighting, don’t over contort your body and develop “mechanics feel”. The latter concept comes with time and is very difficult to describe if you don’t know what it is and comes from a deep inner kinesthetic feeling for the malleability of materials.
Value traps are: value rigidity, anxiety, boredom, impatience and ego.
Value rigidity is the inability to revalue what one sees because of commitment to previous values.
Anxiety is when you are so sure that you will do everything wrong, you are afraid to do anything at all.
Boredom means your gumption supply is low and must be replenished before anything else is done.
Impatience is caused by an underestimation of the amount of time a specific task will take.
Ego is if you have a high evaluation of yourself then your ability to recognize new facts is weakened.
Australians aren’t the biggest fans of people from the United States. My drivers hate them because American tourists always complain about how they can’t use American money in Australia and act like the economic collapse had nothing to do with them. I guess I’ve become accustomed to dealing with their nonsense and since I am meeting more people from other parts of the world who are all so kind, I realise now how annoying they truly are.
In Sydney, you are not allowed to ask people their age because it's against the law (no joke) and is generally offensive. So this couple bought 2 adult tickets from Patrick at 9:15 AM. At 5:45 PM they get on the second last bus and yell at ME, who didn't sell them the tickets, because they didn't know there was a 48 hour option and that they could have gotten the senior rate. I explain that we can give them a 20% discount on the upgrade, but we can't refund the $10 they would have saved on the concession rate (seniors over here). THEY LOSE IT!!! They berate me for 3 minutes and the other passengers are shocked at how calm I remain. If we are harassed verbally or physically, we are allowed to kick people off of the tour, especially if it holds up the bus and there are children aboard. So instead of just kicking them off I decide to let other passengers choose their fate aboard the bus. Every person now gestures YES for them to leave. Now I say, "First two people voted off the City Sightseeing Tour bus of Desire...the Americans...THE TRIBE HAS SPOKEN.” Thank you Jeff Probst. The driver, Richard, actually got the remaining passengers to wave at them.
After explaining the tour to a couple from Mississippi, the wife told me I had quite a unique accent.
Lady: “Where are you from?|
Me: “I am from Canada!”
Lady: “Oh I see. What part of Australia is that in?”
(WTF?)
Me” “It’s it the northern part. You know the northern part?”
I did end up selling them the tour and on Sunday the 12th of December, I had my best sales day doing $830.
Oprah Winfrey will be here for a few days in mid-December to promote tourism in Australia for Americans. Apparently Americans don’t really travel that far outside of the United States, and since the city of Sydney has so much extra money, they were able to promote tourism here via Oprah. The locals here are actually upset and hate the fact that everyone is calling the Opera House, “Oprah House”. She is also in town to help promote $640 million renovations of Star City Casino where Bon Jovi will be performing on the 17th and 18th of December.
A couple I met from Indiana recently were appalled that they had to wait 5 minutes for the bus. They had recently purchased some land in the cottage country of Ontario and complained about what was wrong with Canada and why America is better than Canada. The husband began to criticize how ugly the architecture in Sydney is and how much better New York City. The icing on the cake was when they started to argue with each other about the name of an art gallery outside of Toronto. The cherry on top of the icing was when the wife meddlesome asked me what differences I had noticed in the company since we purchased the other companies brand name. I politely told her that I have only been working here for a couple of weeks now and it was all the same to me, but she kept prying for information.
Typical Americans: STICKING THEIR NOSE IN AND OTHER PEOPLES BUSINESS THAT DOES NOT CONCERN THEM!
I can see now the errors of my old ways of life in Toronto. Being here for over a month, I feel like I am the healthiest I have ever been in my entire life. Sure exercising 4-6 days a week helps, but cooking my own food is definitely a great habit I have begun, in fact my cooking has improved a lot since I first started a month ago. I obviously bailed on Insanity because I am far too out of shape still to do such a hard-core workout regimen, but will restart at some point in January. Right now I am not really concerned with what I look like, only eating well and getting healthy.
After working one day at Circular Quay with Scott, I see that he is like an older version of the role I play in Toronto: He is always bragging about his awesomeness, how many girls he fucks, how much money he makes, etc. Not quite sure yet if he is being honest about who he is, but he wears the mask that I often sport called the EGO. It’s like speaking to someone who is wearing a costume, sort of like the ending of the Wizard of OZ, where the omnipotent Wizard is revealed to be some regular dude.
Be myself.
I have also cut out a lot of my asshole and jerk tendencies where I openly mock and put down other people. Specifically, my co-workers in Toronto whom I always tried to impress with hilarious antics and jokes or openly put down other people to make them think I am funny or cool. Some days when I worked with someone, I had to have them know how many girls I’ve banged or how great I am at sales. One of my old daily affirmations used to be, “I am the coolest motherfucker on the planet!” I’ve decided to change that simply to, “I am cool!” This way I am not comparing myself to anyone else and I am only competing internally.
Since my arrival I have also cut out watching television and movies. That screen really does brainwash us into thinking we have to be like the people we see on it and buy the products and services to be complete. Life isn’t about adding more trendy stuff to make you feel whole, it’s about removing the outer layers that stifles the inner beauty. The average statistic, in America for television watched a day is between 6 to 8 hours! 6 to 8 hours of mental disorientation. I used to own a PVR and have the full movie package and watched probably more than that this every day for a few years. As a replacement, I have chosen to read books and as a result, my writing is more clear and concise.
I have spent the last two years studying and reading self-help books, in detail “pick up theory”. This is a secret that I keep from a lot of people and I am tired of it. After Cindy broke up with me recently, I realized that I need some time away from women to be with myself. When I first started a couple of years ago, it was because an ex-girlfriend (who got married earlier this year) broke up with me and gave me just under a hundred reasons why I wasn’t enough to be with her. As a result I started to take right action towards becoming the person I wanted to be. When I come back I am going to go Natural and drop any scripts and routines I have ever learned. All these lines I have memorized are like putting a piece of gauze over a compound fracture: It might temporarily stop the bleeding, but ultimately you must face the bigger problems at some point. This is the costume that I wear and I don’t want to manipulate girls anymore by means of trickery. Like jlaix says, “You can either be a great manipulator or a great person.” The thought of this is petrifying and it feels like going into a warzone without a gun, but I need to fully internalize the idea that I AM ENOUGH. Cindy broke it off with me because I was always retreating into my mind to fish out some fancy tactic I have seen or heard of, in order to hypnotize her into staying with me. Eventually, she saw through the bogus hologram I was projecting and the only person I have to blame is Matty Mills.
Sydney is the parallel universe of Toronto. Not just the cities, but me: I am the doppelganger of myself.
Here are the main similarities and differences between the countries and cities themselves: Toronto, Canada, Ontario vs. Sydney, New South Wales, Australia.
1.Canada has cold climate for the majority of the year – Australia is generally always hot. Our deserts are arctic, theirs are made of sand.
2.In Canada we drive on the right hand side of the road – In Australia they driver on the left side. This also means that all the cars are designed with the driver sitting on the right side. The deterioration of our automobiles in Canada is accelerated by the harsh winter, as well as the salted roadways. I have seen cars from the seventies in Sydney that are in perfect condition and still contain the original engine intact. One of the rangers in Darling harbour even told me the odometer on his van from 1983 reads over 700 000 km. Sydney-siders also give the worst directions EVER and many tourists I have met complain to me about this. In Sydney, the” Road and Traffic Authority” (R.T.A.) is funded by the national and state levels of government, whereas in Toronto, the Ministry of Transportation is funded by the national, provincial and municipal levels. This allows the city of Sydney to promote tourism because the city has so much “left over money” (allocates the most money towards on tourism). No wonder City Sightseeing dominates so hard here.
3.The houses in Canada have slate shingles on their roofs and houses themselves are organised in a grid like manner, especially in the suburbs where all the houses look identical – Here the roofing is made of terracotta or concrete roof tiles, are each house is very uniquely designed. The roads in Sydney are disorganised and the street signage is TERRIBLE. In Toronto, you know where the fuck you are at all times. Our roads either go North-South or East-West, as opposed to roads that zigzag all over the place.
4.The sports in Canada (or even North America) that people follow are basketball, baseball, lacrosse, football (North American version), and of course my personal favourite sport HOCKEY – Australian sports include rugby, cricket, football (soccer) and a game I have yet to understand called “Aussie rules football”.
5.Canadian wildlife includes squirrels, raccoons, ducks, geese, bears, moose, deer, chipmunks, etc. – Aussie wildlife is comprised of kangaroos, koalas, possums, emus, kookaburras, crocodiles, etc. The spiders and snakes in Australia are the most dangerous in the world and 7 of 10 world’s most venomous snakes inhabit this country. The bats, or flying foxes as they most commonly referred to as, as MASSIVE.
6.Toronto is located fairly close geographically to the Canadian capital city of Ottawa: 452 km apart – Sydney is located about the same distance from the Australian capital of Canberra: 251 km apart. In both cases Sydney and Toronto are the most populous cities in each country and each could easily be mistaken for the capital city.
7.Canadians hate to be mistaken for Americans – Aussies hate to be mistaken for New Zealanders or Kiwis. I have been called American about a few hundred times already am I am getting used to it. When you call an American a Canadian, they will politely tell you, “Oh no, I’m American!” The only time Canadians get offended historically is when you call them an American, “NO!!! I’m proudly Canadian!”
8.Toronto’s rival city is Montreal – Sydney’s rival city is Melbourne. When the Montreal Canadians face the Toronto Maple Leafs…it’s WAR.
9.Brewed coffee in Australia is DISGUSTING. Aussies prefer cappuccino, espresso, latte and flat white. Canadians, I hate to say Americans too, just want some hot water and crushed bean stirred together, maybe with some cream and sugar. They don’t even have cream over here. Even the Starbucks here sucks…I crave Timothy’s Medium Private Blend with one sugar, a little cinnamon and HALF & HALF cream.
10.Canadians say, “How’s it goin’ buddy?” – Aussies say, “How you goin’ mate?”
11.The Canadian education system (this is extremely biased) seems to create intelligent and well rounded human beings – A lot of Australians are FUCKING DUMB. I thought Canadians, Irish, and Scottish people were the biggest dumbasses when they drink, but we don’t stack up to the idiocy of drunken Aussie wankers. Females here are not very classy either and I have seen the sluttiest shit humanly possible go down whilst here…these girls make “Snooki” from Jersey Shore seem like Mary Poppins. The amount of alcohol consumed is surpassed only by that of energy drinks. Some bars here even want to put Mother (Full Throttle in Canada), V (Monster in Canada) and Red Bull ON TAP! The statistic for the average number of domestic violence arrests between the hours of 1AM and 4AM on Saturday night in Sydney is 480…PER HOUR.
12.North American fashion seems legitimate and even people who dress goth, emo or heavy metal seem normal – Some Australian fashion is atrocious, specifically the haircuts and low cut wife beaters that some of the dudes here wear. In schools here, children must wear uniforms and I think this is a good idea because other kids can’t make fun of you if your parents can’t afford what socially is considered “high fashion” or “brand name” labels. It’s funny how back home the main labels I see people recently are Ed Hardy, Hollister and Aeropostale, but here it’s all about G-Star Raw…I see it on everyone. In Canada I see a lot of girls rocking UGG boots and even though it’s an Australian brand name, I haven’t seen any one wearing it here, although in every souvenir store they have racks and racks of space dedicated to UGG. Not just the boots too: gloves, earmuffs, socks, etc. One thing though I will be grabbing for myself before I leave is an Akubra hat!
13.The children in both countries are spoiled and bratty, although Aussie kids seem ruder. The kids I have seen here swear and even SPIT on their parents, while guzzling energy drinks. Once when I was younger and I went to get a pair of shoes with my dad and I ended up getting a pair of Lotto sneakers for about $40 + taxes. Not because I necessarily liked the style, but because I knew at an early age that my parents had a fixed budget. When I would pick out shoes, I would always choose from a few pairs that were the least expensive so that when I really wanted a toy or treat, my parents would have some money to afford it. I even didn’t try out for hockey teams and play at a higher level, so that they had the funds to spend on expensive hockey equipment and registration fees for my brother (my dad once thanked me for this). The day after buying those shoes, this kid named Adam Zelikovitz called me out on how my shoes weren’t brand name like his…so I actually stopped wearing the shoes and wore my old raggedy pair of Nike’s because to him that was cooler. Another time he made fun of my green Super-cycle, a hand-me-down bike from my brother, because it wasn’t a Gary Fisher. In retrospect, he was some rich kid whose parents gave him anything he desired. Once he cried about how his mom didn’t love him because he bought his sister a new dress for her graduation and him nothing for him. My main ex-girlfriend used to complain about how her parents were so rich and they didn’t give any money ever and how she hated them for it. Another friend of mine used to steal thousands of dollars at a time and spend it on his friends, specifically drugs and clothing for them. These are probably some of the reasons I stole money from mom as a teenager because I felt I needed to have cool stuff to fit in with the “cool kids” and if I didn’t have that stuff I wasn’t cool. Back then, I was living up to other people’s standards of what they considered cool and socially acceptable. Now… pfft… I know what I value.
14.CSS Toronto – CSS Sydney.
Toronto:
City Sightseeing here is comprised of 6 Route Master double decker busses, which seats roughly 40 people up top (although only 4 run during the high season), 1 trolley bus, and the Harbour Star boat tour of the Toronto Islands. The tour is 2 hours long, plus a 45 minute boat tour and depending on the time of year the frequency of the busses is between 22 minutes to 1 hour. The tickets are valid for 7 days. A tour guide gives the passengers live commentary about the city using a microphone and speakers. Often times there are two tour guides working on a bus. Sometimes 15-20 sellers can be found on the streets selling tickets. There are 4 other tour companies here other than CSS: Gray Line, Toronto Tours, Hippo Bus and Shop n’ Dine. Most of the employees in Toronto are under the age of 25, other than the drivers of the busses. The uniform, which the employees must purchase themselves, consists of a red golf shirt (only 2 are given out and they fade very easily), black pants/shorts and black shoes. If you aren’t in proper uniform, it will easily go unnoticed. The office is very small and the bus yard is located only a couple of kilometres away.
Sydney:
City Sightseeing here has 10 massive Leyland double decker busses that seat 80 people on top run year round, 2 smaller spare Leyland double decker busses that at one time were used in Canberra and Melbourne and 2 smaller Leyland double decker busses used in Katoomba for the Blue Mountains tour. The Sydney tour and the Bondi & Bays tour are each 90 minutes long. The tickets are valid for either 24 or 48 hours. The commentary is recorded and played through speakers throughout the bus and is controlled by a foot pedal to the left of the brake pedal. The drivers are also salesmen and receive commission from selling bus and attraction tickets to the passengers. The drivers are dedicated about sales too and are very competitive. There are pictures on the wall showing sales records and these are constantly being broken, although some seem to have stood the test of time. CSS has the monopoly here, and if tourists want a tour, there is only ours to choose. The employees here are all over the age of 30, other than me. The uniform, which is free, is a white dress shirt (3 are provided), 2 red CSS shoulder epaulets, a red CSS neck tie, a red CSS baseball cap, black pants (2 pairs are provided), black shoes and the optional fluorescent yellow vest. If you aren’t in the proper uniform you will get told off by the management. The depot has offices and holds all of the busses. Each employee has a personal locker, as well as a separate drawer to store their belongings. Free drinks and often food are provided for the employees.
15.In Toronto I play a character named Matty Mills – In Sydney I am the person I am meant to be: Matthew Corey Leclerc Milligan.
6:35 - 7:00 AM: Cook my breakfast, which is usually oatmeal mixed brown sugar and either sliced banana or mango; Brew my own coffee.
7:00 - 7:30 AM: Get dressed; Pack lunch in my knapsack; Put on my bike helmet and gloves.
7:30 AM: Bring my bike outside; Hit play on my MP3 player; Start riding to work.
7:31 - 8:00 AM: Ride to work.
8:00 AM: Arrive at work and punch in.
8:01 - 8:19 AM: Change into my work clothes; Fill out the bus and driver order for the day on a daily driver from and place it in my folder; Grab my ticket machine, strap for the machine, radio, spare ticket rolls and maps.
8:20 AM: Get on the first bus that goes to Central Station.
8:21 - 8:50 AM: Ride on the bus until Central Station; Take a nap/read.
9:00 - 9:19 AM: Ride from Central Station to the IMAX theatre.
9:20 AM: Get out at IMAX theatre where usually a few people are already waiting for the bus.
9:21 AM - 5:30 PM: SELL! SELL! SELL!
5:31 PM - 5:55 PM: Hop on the bus and ride to Circular Quay.
5:56 PM: Get off the bus, sit down and wait for the first bus that is headed back to the base.
6:00 - 6:40 PM: Ride on the bus back to the base; Nap time.
6:41 PM: Arrive at the depot.
6:42 - 6:55 PM: Count my money; Print shift total; Staple annulments, pre-paid vouchers and shift total to daily driver form.
6:59 PM: Unlock bike and begin to ride home.
7:00 - 7:30 PM: Ride home on my bike.
7:31 PM: Arrive home
7:32 - 7:44 PM: Change into workout clothes.
7:45 - 9:00 PM: Run to the University campus; Do calisthenics; Run home.
9:01 - 9:15PM: Shower.
9:16 - 10:00 PM: Cook and eat dinner; Make lunch for the next day.
After 2 hours of sleep last night, I barely get up in time for work. I am rushing out the door and when I go to grab my lunch…IT’S VANISHED. My 12 pack of eggs is also gone. How do two sandwiches, celery, 3 apples and 2 cans of coke go missing? One of the other guys in my house must have come home drunk last night and feasted on my food. Or perhaps the ghost of Dirk Englehardt is haunting me!
I am pedalling unusually fast this morning, since I left the house later than what has become customary in my pre-work routine, due to the fact that I had to make myself a new lunch. At the corner of Anzac Parade and Doncaster Avenue I stop for a minute and wait for the green light. Once it turn green I start pedalling, but some fuckhead runs his red light nearly kills me. This guy actually stops in the middle of the intersection and starts to yell at me for NOT STOPPING when I have a green light. I don’t have time for this and keep riding towards the depot.
After arriving at work, clocking in and putting on my uniform, take I nap on the bus ride to work. 4 or 5 blocks away from Central Station, while going down this massive downhill, bus 420 just DIES. Geoff and Stephen call Dale, who tells them that it has to be driven back to the depot since there is something seriously wrong if it just stopped working like that. This means I have to walk to the IMAX theatre, which will take about 40 minutes to do so. A thermometer in the bus reads 34°.
While on George Street I see these Chinese dudes playing soccer with a can of Red bull. When I get closer to them, one of them challenges me to get the can away from him. I do so and start dribbling around him, wearing my work uniform with dress shoes and knapsack that holds my radio, ticket machine, bike tools and lunch. I am now getting away when out of nowhere one of these dudes body checks me, while another slide tackles me. I go down hard on my left side. They apologize while laughing at me, help me get up and tell me that they are still so drunk from the night before. Physically I am fine, although my wrist hurts slightly. A few blocks away from IMAX, I go to check my phone for the time and notice that the SCREEN IN CRACKED, due to it being in my left pocket next to my wallet and keys. I can still barely make out the time on it, but I can’t see the contacts, change my alarm, send texts or call anyone. I guess on my day off, I will have to get a new phone.
I can see from the bridge that overlooks my bus stop that there is a group of about 15 people waiting for the bus and so I run over to talk to them. I am dripping sweat, as well as panting, when I roll on these tourists, at 9:23 AM, and ask them if they are waiting for the bus. “Yes…” an American woman says, “…we have been waiting here since 9:00 AM!” I let her know that bus broke down and it should be her by 9:45 AM. She seems to be the leader of a group of 10 or so adults who don’t seem to be very talkative. The other people waiting all have tickets from the day before, so I need this sale to have a good start to my day. At 10:00 AM, the bus still isn’t there and this lady starts to yell at me repeating the following statement in no specific order:
A) You’re a liar!
B) Your company is disorganized!
C) This is bullshit!
D) I don’t need this shit on vacation!
E) This would never happen in America!
At 10:07 AM, my group of 10 WALKS. When the bus pulls up finally at 10:21 AM, I go on top and sell attraction tickets and this group of dudes laugh in my face and call me “vertically challenged”. This causes other people on the bus to giggle a bit. When I get downstairs these two seniors and their two grandchildren are asking the driver about the tour and are ready to buy tickets. When I tell them the total price is $90, the grandmother gives me a twenty. I shake my head and when I say nine zero, her eyes light up and she snatches the red twenty from my fingers and gets her family off of the bus.
Since I have already printed the 4 tickets, I annul them and store them in my folder.
When I finally sell my first tickets at 2:15 PM, Ricky’s bus pulls up and since I have four seniors, or concession as they call them in Australia, I print them two tickets totaling $100. The leader of them, an English fellow hands me a green hundred dollar bill. I go up top and strike out at attraction tickets again. After I announce I over the two way that, “Bus 427 has left IMAX”, I go to check my money belt and there is NOTHING IN IT. Frantically, I rifle through my pockets and knapsack and folder and even my hat for some reason, only to find nothing. If I lose this hundred dollars it will come out of my pay and I am already out $40 today, because I will have to buy a new phone. I decide to call Ricky over the two way
Me: “Copy Ricky.”
Richard: “Receiving.”
Me: “Can you check the floor of your bus because I think I dropped a hundred dollars when you pulled away.”
Richard: “No mate, it’s not here.”
Noelyne: “Richard is on Bondi today Matty, why are you asking HIM?”
Me: “I was trying to call Ricky.”
Noelyne: “Copy Ricky.”
Ricky: “Yeah mate.”
Noelyne: “Could you please check the floor in your bus for a hundred dollar bill please?”
I am now seated on the bench at my stop biting my fingernails, praying that the money will randomly appear. Every moment feels like an eternity.
Ricky: “Maphew. I found it moite. You so lucky! HAHA! Passengers found it under the stairs!”
On his next trip around, Ricky gives me the money and jokes that the next time it happens, he is going to keep it. I must have thanked him a thousand times, before he finally leaves the stop. For the rest of the day I am entertained by several street performers, all of whom this time are exceptionally talented. At the end of the day, I fall asleep on the bus on the ride back to the depot.
Once I have unlocked my bike and have ridden it about half way home, I notice that the front derailleur isn’t shifting as well as it has been recently. This doesn’t make sense to me, considering that I have just replaced the cable about a week ago. While I am experimenting to see what’s wrong, shifting from the second gear to the third, the cable snaps. Upon closer examination, the thread on the bolt which keeps the cable in place has been stripped. Both the cable and the bolt must now be replaced and I have to now ride my ride in the first gear all the way back home.
Finally I am home, after such a brutal day nothing else bad I am so glad to be in my kitchen to cook my dinner. My steak and potatoes are cooked to perfection, so while eating I go online and check my email and see that finally Cindy has sent a message! YES! SHE DOES LIKE ME. It reads:
“hi matt. hope ur havin lots of fun in oz. i was goin to msg u sooner, but have been real busy with work n other stuff. last few months togther have been fun rite? will always have the roger waters concert n that day in the park. u remember when u told me that had just got over another girl n were glad to finaly move on? well i haven’t moved on from my ex bf. i saw him a few weeks ago n after we met up i couldn’t resist him. he is the one u know? even if he doesn’t always treat me great like u do he is the world to me. the feelings we used to share r still there. its just more convenient for me to to be with him rite now and since ur so far away, i want u to have fun without me on ur own. i know i said i was gonna come visit u there but that won’t happen n i’m sorry. no cindy in sydney like we joked. after reading yer msg, i understand that it will be easy for u to find another girl, since ur such a sweety n a charmer! hope ur not mad at me for doin this to u, but it is best for the both of us. we can still be friends if u want but nothin else. when we were together sometimes i felt like I was forcing myself to be happy n that aint rite. its not about me or u its us. were both ment to be with other ppl. lets face it we fight sometimes over stupid stuff n u wont even let me meet ur friends. i know its not cause ur ashamed of me or dont like me its cause ur uncomfortable with wat other ppl think of u when they see us together. u dont think ur worthy of me cause ur a normal guy n i’m a dancer. try to be happy and know that this is the best for the 2 of us. u’ll meet a girl who u’ll love someday when the time is rite. luv u always babe. gotta go now n hope u understand. send me pics of sydney so i can show my friends how cool u r. bye 4 now. cindyrella.”
It’s Saturday night and since I still have no friends here, I have decided to go out and peep the night life in this city. I am planning to hit up a couple of bars and not the turbo clubs so here I throw on my gear: sun faded jean shorts, Toronto Maple Leaf socks, yellow and turquoise Nike Air Max Light shoes and the pièce de resistance…my Breaking Bad Heisenberg T-Shirt. My deodorant has mysteriously gone missing so I am not wearing any and since I am out of razors, I have a 3 day old beard. Before I go out I decide to make my lunch, since it could be a late night.
On the way to Scubar, a group of 5-6 dudes stop me and take picture with me and compliment my shirt. When they ask where they can get one, I tell them that it’s one of a kind. The bouncer at the bar lets me skip the line due to the awesomeness of the shirt and I nod at the 4 dudes in line who are all dressed the same. This bar is packed with dudes, specifically drunk hipsters, and since the music is so irritating I decide to leave. I walk down George Street for a few minutes and now dudes are yelling from their cars, “Fucking Heisenberg motherfucker!” So I just throw horns and smile back when this happens.
I sit down on the steps in front of Town Hall Station and grab a bottle of water. Some drunk chick runs across the street and tries to stop, but slides about 5 feet in her high heel shoes. She yells, “I slided! WOOOOO!” I guess she hears me laugh and tells me to shut the fuck up, which makes me laugh even harder. Now she walks up to me with her two follow men friends and tells me that it’s not funny. I nod and tell her,
“You’re right… that was fucking HILARIOUS!” Now she giggles and asks me,
“What country are you from? America?”
“No.” I reply
“England?”
“No.”
“Europe?”
“Europe is a continent. I’m Canadian.”
“Canadia? Where’s that?”
“The North.”
“Oh. Are you coming clubbing with us?” The two dudes she is with are practically invisible and stand there with their hands in their pockets staring at the ground.
“No, this is a Heisenberg only night.” Now she outs and begs me to come,
“Please? We’ll have fun!”
“Sorry, maybe some other time.” She gets angry and gives me the middle finger.
I am walking down George Street and I see all these Turbo hotties pouring out of one of these two clubs. There is an endless line, about 30-40 dudes all dressed practically exactly the same: vertically striped pink or blue dress shirt with the top button undone, fairly tight blue jeans, black dress shoes and black belt. Very generic indeed. Since there is a fight happening outside of the one club called The Establishment, I decide to just walk in…wearing my black Heisenberg T-shirt into one of the classiest clubs I have ever seen. For a few seconds I am terrified that some bouncer will stop me and when one who resembles a gorilla on steroids makes eye contact with me, he gives me thumbs up and smiles. Sure. The music in here is actually pretty decent and they play a few classic hip-hop tracks like Notorious B.I.G.’s Everyday Struggle and Meth n Red’s Da Rockwilda.
I feel like the shit and do a couple of warm up approaches and get blown out by this group of two girls who tell me: A) I am ugly as fuck, B) I should be on the bigger loser C) I already am the biggest loser. This actually pumps my state and I get amused by this.
There is this group of 6 turbo honeys sitting at a table with this very well dressed dude, wearing a feathered hat, who isn’t smiling or even moving. These girls all have full make up deluxe, tight short skirts and high hell shoes. “That’s for me!” I tell myself and go approach. When I walk up, I just sit down at the booth and yell over the music, “Hey guys, you all seem cool I just had to say hello.” The guy high fives me and they all cheer HEISENBERG. These girls get up and pull me to the dance floor and 3 of them are now grinding on me. I pick the hottest one up, double legged claw style, and start banging her on my dick, fully clothed of course. She complies and actually cheers while this is going down. Since I am still out of shape, I start to lose my breath after about 15 seconds and put her down. She pulls me over to the bar and buys me a Coke Zero, which ends up being 6 DOLLARS, but because she is a turbo, the bartender just gives her the drinks for free.
“Where are you from mate?” she asks.
“Heaven,” I reply “my girlfriend is there right now but she hasn’t contacted me in a few weeks.”
“That’s not very nice. My boyfriend is at home right now watching football with his mates.”
“Oh, cool.”
Here I am: 5 star club, getting free drinks, groping a turbo I’ve known for less than five minutes (as hot as Cindy if not hotter), while wearing the HEISENBERG T-SHIRT!
“My name is Katarina and I’m Russian.” She tells me.
“I’m Heisenberg, from Albuquerque New Mexico.”
“Yeah, you sound American.” Her friend rolls up and tells me to kiss Katarina.
“I can’t. Skylar would get jealous and what about Walter Jr. and Holly?” Katarina sulks and rolls her eyes to back of her head. I haven’t heard from Cindy now in a few weeks and I am getting to the point where I feel she might have bailed on our relationship. You only live once right? I spin Katrina around get up close in her face, grope her ass and kiss her gently on the lips for a few seconds. She forces me to dance, which makes her laughs since I am the worst dancer on the planet and make an ass of myself as I usually do. When I glance around the club, every person is watching us! Katarina pulls me in and tells me that her friends are jealous because she always gets a lot of attention. We kiss again and now I tell her to come and get food with me. She nods and goes over to her friends and I guess tells them she is leaving with me, some smile while the feathered hat dude seems angry.
Outside the club, I pull out another of jlaix’s moves the "wall slam make-out” and ‘cut it off as quickly as I initiate it’ (I really bite his style but it works so well). People in the street are now eyeing me down and dudes approach Katarina to throw me off as I march her down the street. In the past I would have acknowledged the dudes and tried to blow them out, but now I just ignore them and hold her hand firmly and trudge through the crowds (sort of like walking a dog). At this point I am starving, so we split a kebab. Surprisingly enough, she actually eats the entire thing and this is quite rare for a girl who is as thin as she is. While we are eating I tell her, “Tonight I can’t…”.
“I figured that. We both have other people to deal with, but please take my number.” Katarina says as she writes her number on a Kleenex from Yummies. We hug and kiss in the street and I hail her a cab, who actually passes 3 or 4 dudes just to take her fare. The door of the cab closes, she smiles and waves goodbye while keeping eye contact.
In Toronto I am the biggest chode in the city. By this I mean that I have had nights where I go out and get blown out by 4’s and 5’s and the other dudes, who simply stand at the bar with their drinks pressed up against their chest, seemed cool to me. In June and July this past summer, I went out about 20 nights in a row and at the end of some of those nights I actually cried because I found it so frustrating that I couldn’t even get a girls number. I even broke my own personal code and made out with this chick I work with. Even then, I had to actually lie to her and say I had to go home, just so I wouldn’t pull her home and bang her. Some of the shit I was doing in June was retarded and I was even taking girls on “dates”. WHAT THE FUCK? Finally I met Cindy and we communicated well, until I came here. In the past when a girl wouldn’t call me back or reply to my messages I would just keep calling or texting until they told me to fuck off, because I was being super needy. In Sydney on the other hand, I am not even trying and I am getting success with women.
Strange paradox: In Toronto I am Walter White, in Sydney I am Heisenberg.
On Friday I sold two 48 hour tickets to these two older women from the United States. Both are old enough to be around my mother’s age. At 1PM on Saturday the 4th, the younger of the two comes to thank me for being so helpful and praises me on how great the tour is. I find out her name is Kathie and she is meeting her friend for drinks at the Star Room right behind my spot. Kathie tells me she is from Hawaii, but originally from Ohio.
Attributes: mid-forties, 6’2” in running shoes, blonde, glory rack, white teeth, funny, outgoing, intelligent, entrepeneuse.
This chick starts seeking deep rapport with me and actually starts touching me in very playful ways. She also is giving me the classic “Indicators of Interest” like playing with her hair, scratching the backside of her hands, playing with her necklace, triangular gazing, etc. When her friend Cynthia comes by, Kathie says, “Remember this really cute guy from yesterday? He’s Canadian! I have never been with a Canadian before.” I tell them to go enjoy drinks and they go to the Star Room and get a seat on the patio facing me.
Andy’s bus pulls up and when I tell him about this chick he lets me know that she actually asked him and another driver what my name was and if I was working at the same spot today. Once his bus leaves, I glance over at the patio and Kathie is staring me down while playing with her drink (IOI).
The last bus pulls up and ironically enough it’s Andy’s. I hop on and announce over the two-way, “427 leaving IMAX…IMAX unattended.” The bus doors re-open and sure enough Kathie gets…FUCK. She is half drunk and sits down at the back of the bus, and since it is raining, all the seats downstairs are full. I decide to stand and fiddle with my phone just to avoid Kathie. Just to fuck with me Andy goes, “Excuse me sir! By law there is no standing while the bus is in motion. You will have to sit at the back… next to the young lady.” Thanks dude. Kathie now makes space for me and asks this little kid to sit on his dad’s lap. They comply. Once I am seated, Kathie grabs my hand and starts gently stroking it. Anything I say, she mistakes for a joke and laughs (IOI). At this point she actually leans in to kiss me…seriously. There are about 12 passengers around us watching this go down: An older couple, two families and this group of 4 or 5 Latino passenger chodes. I tilt my head away, but instead of being denied, Kathie now starts SUCKING MY NECK. Ludicrous. This is probably the most uncomfortable I have felt in a while. When we get to Circular Quay, the last stop on the tour, Kathie takes my phone and puts her number in and tells me that she is staying at the Hilton on George Street. We hug and she blows kisses goodbye and when she has left I delete her number from my phone.
If Cindy doesn't contact me soon, I might take advantage of these situations I keep getting myself into. I don't know how much longer I can hold on.
I am having such a great day and by 11 AM, on Friday the 3rd, I have already sold 481 AUD. My attraction ticket pitch is getting better and I have realized that it is best to just sell attraction tickets for the Aquarium, Wildlife World and Sydney Sky tower, since there are the closest attractions to my stop and are all fast track tickets. When Richard’s bus pulls up he tells me that Miles has been calling me on the two-way for about half an hour. When I finally pick up the call MILES IS FURIOUS that I haven’t been answering his messages and since Patricia is so busy at Circular Quay and needs me to assist her with sales. My best start yet and I have to leave IMAX… sucksssssss.
I hop on the bus at stop 20 and ride to stop 1 where Patricia is frantically printing tickets. When I see her approach I am actually quite shocked at how she sells. It is almost arrogant, and in some cases she actually insults the potential passengers...yet it works. There is this couple whom she lists off the first 10 stops to, while counting with her fingers. When she gets to the 11th, she gets the husband to use his fingers to keep counting. Now other people are watching and by the 21st stop, the wife is now holding up her fingers. Not only does this couple do the tour, but another family ends buying tickets as well. In another case, she just ploughs these German dudes down by overwhelming them with data about the tour and actually openly mocks them and gestures to me how dumb they are. Ridiculous!
At the end of the say she tells Miles how good I am, but Miles is still angry with me. He asks me why I didn’t pick up the two-way and I tell him that it’s because I was talking to potential passengers. As well in Toronto when I work at the North side CN tower spot, I have to listen to Shop n’ Dine’s two-way radio and since it is distracting, my mind unconsciously tuned it out. I also mention that the volume was low and sometimes it is hard to understand what people are saying because of the static. Miles is having none of it and yells at me so loud that Patricia and Lenny actually leave the room. I don’t remember ever being yelled at like that other than by my father or by my grade six teacher Ms. Ram. This really makes me consider having a CSS franchise or starting my own company by myself. My entire life I have always had a tough time following the rules other people have imposed on me. Sure most social conditioning is good, but some of it I hate. Not just at work or school, I mean the world in general and if I had the chance to escape our world to be alone and make up my own rules I probably would.
December 1st is the first day of summer in Australia…although it doesn’t really feel at all like summer since it is DECEMBER. While riding to work it started to rain a little bit and about half way to the depot, FULL TERENTIALL DOWNPOUR!!! At the depot Miles and Noelyne were quite shocked at how wet I was and probably more so that I was grinning when I walked inside. Noelyne asked me if I had spare work clothes and just to fuck with her I made a sad face with puppy dog eyes and said no. She glanced over at Miles angrily, but before she could react I started cracking up and made it known that I was only kidding. She gave me some hangers to dry my jacket, gloves, shorts, and socks in the washroom.
On the bus ride to work Judy and Api were talking about cancer, after they said that the Opera house was lit up in red last night to spread the awareness of AIDS. Apparently Barry had Prostate cancer a few years ago, but managed to survive. Unfortunately it has come back even though the doctors “cut it all out.” Api then goes on to tell us that his best friend’s wife has cervical cancer and her doctors have only given her a few weeks to live. I was getting very emotional while the subject was being discussed and didn’t want to bring up my past.
Total sales: 535 AUD.
Alex gave me a ride home in his van due to the fact that it was raining and also because he lives in Ultimo, which is right near Redfern. Miles joked that Alex keeps a mattress in his van for when his wife gets mad at him, although when Alex opened the back door of the van, there was only a ladder in there. Alex tells me that the Redfern Oval, which is the park right across the street from where I live, is where Russell Crowe’s football club the South Sydney Rabbits practice and that I should keep an eye out for him in one of the pub’s near there. He has actually seen him many times in Woolloomooloo and has pointed it out to passengers, but they have never believed him. After unloading my bike I thank Alex and tell him I appreciate the kind gesture.
