Sydney is the parallel universe of Toronto. Not just the cities, but me: I am the doppelganger of myself.
Here are the main similarities and differences between the countries and cities themselves: Toronto, Canada, Ontario vs. Sydney, New South Wales, Australia.
1. Canada has cold climate for the majority of the year – Australia is generally always hot. Our deserts are arctic, theirs are made of sand.
2. In Canada we drive on the right hand side of the road – In Australia they driver on the left side. This also means that all the cars are designed with the driver sitting on the right side. The deterioration of our automobiles in Canada is accelerated by the harsh winter, as well as the salted roadways. I have seen cars from the seventies in Sydney that are in perfect condition and still contain the original engine intact. One of the rangers in Darling harbour even told me the odometer on his van from 1983 reads over 700 000 km. Sydney-siders also give the worst directions EVER and many tourists I have met complain to me about this. In Sydney, the” Road and Traffic Authority” (R.T.A.) is funded by the national and state levels of government, whereas in Toronto, the Ministry of Transportation is funded by the national, provincial and municipal levels. This allows the city of Sydney to promote tourism because the city has so much “left over money” (allocates the most money towards on tourism). No wonder City Sightseeing dominates so hard here.
3. The houses in Canada have slate shingles on their roofs and houses themselves are organised in a grid like manner, especially in the suburbs where all the houses look identical – Here the roofing is made of terracotta or concrete roof tiles, are each house is very uniquely designed. The roads in Sydney are disorganised and the street signage is TERRIBLE. In Toronto, you know where the fuck you are at all times. Our roads either go North-South or East-West, as opposed to roads that zigzag all over the place.
4. The sports in Canada (or even North America) that people follow are basketball, baseball, lacrosse, football (North American version), and of course my personal favourite sport HOCKEY – Australian sports include rugby, cricket, football (soccer) and a game I have yet to understand called “Aussie rules football”.
5. Canadian wildlife includes squirrels, raccoons, ducks, geese, bears, moose, deer, chipmunks, etc. – Aussie wildlife is comprised of kangaroos, koalas, possums, emus, kookaburras, crocodiles, etc. The spiders and snakes in Australia are the most dangerous in the world and 7 of 10 world’s most venomous snakes inhabit this country. The bats, or flying foxes as they most commonly referred to as, as MASSIVE.
6. Toronto is located fairly close geographically to the Canadian capital city of Ottawa: 452 km apart – Sydney is located about the same distance from the Australian capital of Canberra: 251 km apart. In both cases Sydney and Toronto are the most populous cities in each country and each could easily be mistaken for the capital city.
7. Canadians hate to be mistaken for Americans – Aussies hate to be mistaken for New Zealanders or Kiwis. I have been called American about a few hundred times already am I am getting used to it. When you call an American a Canadian, they will politely tell you, “Oh no, I’m American!” The only time Canadians get offended historically is when you call them an American, “NO!!! I’m proudly Canadian!”
8. Toronto’s rival city is Montreal – Sydney’s rival city is Melbourne. When the Montreal Canadians face the Toronto Maple Leafs…it’s WAR.
9. Brewed coffee in Australia is DISGUSTING. Aussies prefer cappuccino, espresso, latte and flat white. Canadians, I hate to say Americans too, just want some hot water and crushed bean stirred together, maybe with some cream and sugar. They don’t even have cream over here. Even the Starbucks here sucks…I crave Timothy’s Medium Private Blend with one sugar, a little cinnamon and HALF & HALF cream.
10. Canadians say, “How’s it goin’ buddy?” – Aussies say, “How you goin’ mate?”
11. The Canadian education system (this is extremely biased) seems to create intelligent and well rounded human beings – A lot of Australians are FUCKING DUMB. I thought Canadians, Irish, and Scottish people were the biggest dumbasses when they drink, but we don’t stack up to the idiocy of drunken Aussie wankers. Females here are not very classy either and I have seen the sluttiest shit humanly possible go down whilst here…these girls make “Snooki” from Jersey Shore seem like Mary Poppins. The amount of alcohol consumed is surpassed only by that of energy drinks. Some bars here even want to put Mother (Full Throttle in Canada), V (Monster in Canada) and Red Bull ON TAP! The statistic for the average number of domestic violence arrests between the hours of 1AM and 4AM on Saturday night in Sydney is 480…PER HOUR.
12. North American fashion seems legitimate and even people who dress goth, emo or heavy metal seem normal – Some Australian fashion is atrocious, specifically the haircuts and low cut wife beaters that some of the dudes here wear. In schools here, children must wear uniforms and I think this is a good idea because other kids can’t make fun of you if your parents can’t afford what socially is considered “high fashion” or “brand name” labels. It’s funny how back home the main labels I see people recently are Ed Hardy, Hollister and Aeropostale, but here it’s all about G-Star Raw…I see it on everyone. In Canada I see a lot of girls rocking UGG boots and even though it’s an Australian brand name, I haven’t seen any one wearing it here, although in every souvenir store they have racks and racks of space dedicated to UGG. Not just the boots too: gloves, earmuffs, socks, etc. One thing though I will be grabbing for myself before I leave is an Akubra hat!
13. The children in both countries are spoiled and bratty, although Aussie kids seem ruder. The kids I have seen here swear and even SPIT on their parents, while guzzling energy drinks. Once when I was younger and I went to get a pair of shoes with my dad and I ended up getting a pair of Lotto sneakers for about $40 + taxes. Not because I necessarily liked the style, but because I knew at an early age that my parents had a fixed budget. When I would pick out shoes, I would always choose from a few pairs that were the least expensive so that when I really wanted a toy or treat, my parents would have some money to afford it. I even didn’t try out for hockey teams and play at a higher level, so that they had the funds to spend on expensive hockey equipment and registration fees for my brother (my dad once thanked me for this). The day after buying those shoes, this kid named Adam Zelikovitz called me out on how my shoes weren’t brand name like his…so I actually stopped wearing the shoes and wore my old raggedy pair of Nike’s because to him that was cooler. Another time he made fun of my green Super-cycle, a hand-me-down bike from my brother, because it wasn’t a Gary Fisher. In retrospect, he was some rich kid whose parents gave him anything he desired. Once he cried about how his mom didn’t love him because he bought his sister a new dress for her graduation and him nothing for him. My main ex-girlfriend used to complain about how her parents were so rich and they didn’t give any money ever and how she hated them for it. Another friend of mine used to steal thousands of dollars at a time and spend it on his friends, specifically drugs and clothing for them. These are probably some of the reasons I stole money from mom as a teenager because I felt I needed to have cool stuff to fit in with the “cool kids” and if I didn’t have that stuff I wasn’t cool. Back then, I was living up to other people’s standards of what they considered cool and socially acceptable. Now… pfft… I know what I value.
14. CSS Toronto – CSS Sydney.
Toronto:
City Sightseeing here is comprised of 6 Route Master double decker busses, which seats roughly 40 people up top (although only 4 run during the high season), 1 trolley bus, and the Harbour Star boat tour of the Toronto Islands. The tour is 2 hours long, plus a 45 minute boat tour and depending on the time of year the frequency of the busses is between 22 minutes to 1 hour. The tickets are valid for 7 days. A tour guide gives the passengers live commentary about the city using a microphone and speakers. Often times there are two tour guides working on a bus. Sometimes 15-20 sellers can be found on the streets selling tickets. There are 4 other tour companies here other than CSS: Gray Line, Toronto Tours, Hippo Bus and Shop n’ Dine. Most of the employees in Toronto are under the age of 25, other than the drivers of the busses. The uniform, which the employees must purchase themselves, consists of a red golf shirt (only 2 are given out and they fade very easily), black pants/shorts and black shoes. If you aren’t in proper uniform, it will easily go unnoticed. The office is very small and the bus yard is located only a couple of kilometres away.
Sydney:
City Sightseeing here has 10 massive Leyland double decker busses that seat 80 people on top run year round, 2 smaller spare Leyland double decker busses that at one time were used in Canberra and Melbourne and 2 smaller Leyland double decker busses used in Katoomba for the Blue Mountains tour. The Sydney tour and the Bondi & Bays tour are each 90 minutes long. The tickets are valid for either 24 or 48 hours. The commentary is recorded and played through speakers throughout the bus and is controlled by a foot pedal to the left of the brake pedal. The drivers are also salesmen and receive commission from selling bus and attraction tickets to the passengers. The drivers are dedicated about sales too and are very competitive. There are pictures on the wall showing sales records and these are constantly being broken, although some seem to have stood the test of time. CSS has the monopoly here, and if tourists want a tour, there is only ours to choose. The employees here are all over the age of 30, other than me. The uniform, which is free, is a white dress shirt (3 are provided), 2 red CSS shoulder epaulets, a red CSS neck tie, a red CSS baseball cap, black pants (2 pairs are provided), black shoes and the optional fluorescent yellow vest. If you aren’t in the proper uniform you will get told off by the management. The depot has offices and holds all of the busses. Each employee has a personal locker, as well as a separate drawer to store their belongings. Free drinks and often food are provided for the employees.
15. In Toronto I play a character named Matty Mills – In Sydney I am the person I am meant to be: Matthew Corey Leclerc Milligan.
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