As the first bus departs Judy explains to me that when the bus comes by my spot at the IMAX theatre, I have to go up on the top of the bus and give a little spiel to sell attraction tickets to any of the city’s attractions. Already though, she is telling me how hard it is to do and she tells me that is the reason why she hates working the IMAX spot so much. Not exactly the best attitude to have I guess, although I just shrug it off and remind me of something my old boss Ben Stewart used to say: It’s never the route (spot) that’s bad, what makes a bad route is the person on it and their attitude that day. Judy also tells me to hand people brochures about the attractions, but not to show them the page that has the Discovery Pass. This pass allows the customer to buy a combo value pass for both the Sydney Aquarium (34.95 AUD) and Sydney Wildlife World (34.95 AUD) and save 20% or include the Sydney Tower (65 AUD) and save 25%. Our tickets are undiscounted! However, they are Fast Track tickets and allow the passengers aboard our tour to skip the lines!
Once Judy is dropped off at her spot at Central station, I’m off with the driver to IMAX. Once I get dropped off there are about 8 people waiting there and I think that this is going to be a great day! Unfortunately for me, they are all passengers aboard the publicly owned and run Explorer busses, which have been running since 1980. The brand is well known throughout Australia and even in my Lonely Planet guide I recall reading about this tour bus service. The disadvantage to their bus service is that they are not open top busses and they cost $40 for a 24 hour ticket, while City Sightseeing is $35. The advantage is that their bus goes over the Harbour Bridge and into the Botanical Gardens and it is included in the price of the 3 day, 5 day or 7 day Sydney Pass which allows unlimited use of all the public busses, trains and monorails in Sydney.
The bus leaves and here I am alone at my spot in Darling Harbour in front of the IMAX theatre…terrified. Here I am alone in a city I barely know and am unfamiliar with the surroundings of this spot. The first people who approach me ask me where the World Tower is and I have no clue. The next ones ask me how to get the Chinatown…no clue. The first people who want to actually BUY A TICKET ask me where the nearest ATM is… no clue. The group of people waiting for the Explorer bus actually find this quite amusing and they tell the people that there is an information booth just around the corner behind the construction area, where they are making additions to the IMAX theatre.
Any embarrassment.
When the first bus comes by my spot I go up to the top of the bus and start nervously handing out flyers to the passengers and quietly asking them if they want to buy attraction tickets for any of the attractions as I list off them off 1 by 1. No takers. As I exit the bus I ask the driver where the nearest ATM is, and after looking at me like I am a complete idiot (at this point I would agree), he points to one about 25 metres away.
ANY EMBARRASSMENT!
The driver tells me I have to call in his bus and I am quite perplexed by this. He has to actually SHOW ME how to use the two-way radio and finds it quite amusing that Noelyne or Miles didn’t tell me that I had to do this or even show me how the radio works.
ANY EMBARRASSMENT!!!
“Bus 428…with driver…Richard leaving from the IMAX theatre at…um…Cockle Bay...in Darling Harbour.” I nervously say into the radio as bus 428 drives off. Richard appears less than impressed by what he has just witnessed.
A group of Italian people approach me and I manage to make MY FIRST SALE! Thank fucking god. After they get on and I let the next bus depart, a security guard asks me if I am allowed to sell tickets here and if he can buy one. Miles told me I can’t sell them in the street and that I am only allowed to get money on the bus. This guy must think I am a complete retard, and since both Miles and Noelyne told me these Rangers would test me, I tell him I can get them for him on the bus. He laughs and tells me nice work. I tell him I am from Canada and he starts to list off places I must see while I am here in Australia. This guy is actually fairly cool and he also tells me that I should get something called a “Swag”. A swag is basically a one person sleeping bag tent made of canvas and he tells me that there is a website that lists off all the safe spots to swag in Australia. The ranger, who tells me his name is Roger, also jokes that it will also keep out the snakes…but not the spiders.
More busses come and go and I have made about $200 in sales by 1PM. On my way to the bathroom, I am approached by a crying little girl who tells me that she can’t find her parents. WHY ME? I guess since I am wearing a fluorescent yellow vest with a two-way radio on my hip and holding a clipboard, I must look like I am in charge. I tell her that my name is Matthew and that I will help her find her parents. She tells me that Matthew is her father’s name and I tell her that Matthew actually means Gift from God. She seems calmed by this and I go over to the fairly busy restaurant called Ice Cube just near my spot. I tell one of the chefs, a younger Filipina, that this little girl is lost and I need to find the ranger station so she can be re-united with her parents. This chick looks at me drably and declares, “I don’t care.” WHAT THE FUCK? She goes back to cooking and I actually see two customers overhearing this, leave the restaurant in disgust. The people walk over to me and tell me to talk to the manager in the Star Room, which is the bar adjoining Ice Cube. This guy is happy to help and he tells me that it is just around the corner, next to the washrooms and information centre. As me and this little girl are walking to the ranger station, she shouts DAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYYYYY and runs towards a larger man with a look of concern, followed by relief on his face. He thanks me and firmly shakes my hand.
Back at the bus stop I notice a street performer is now setting up his stuff to do a show. I have heard that the street performers in Sydney are some of the best in the world… but this guy is fucking terrible:
- his clothes are dirty
- he is unshaven
- his microphone, iPod and speakers are not properly set up which causes distortion
- his jokes aren’t funny
- his delivery of the jokes is badly timed
- he stutters
- he comments on how no one is stopping and that his show sucks anyways
- his tricks suck
- he actually chokes on one trick and ends his show in the middle
- he gets booed and laughed at by onlookers
Wow, I feel the same way right now since none of my best material is working to sell to the people who are passing me by. In this instance I see myself back in Toronto wearing my grubby unwashed sun-bleached uniform with a three day old beard, mocking people who walk by and bragging about how well I know the city. THE ERROR OF MY WAYS IS NOW QUITE EVIDENT. I do feel handcuffed though since I can’t hand out maps to prospect, the way I can in Toronto. This is my strength and I guess I will have to adapt to a new form of street sales. I really want master the “art of street selling” and this will be quite difficult.
Suddenly, a Caucasian lady, with three kids following her, walks up to me carrying, what appears to be, a less than a year old black baby. She found the baby playing alone a few feet from the water’s edge. She asks me if I am the ranger around here and I regretfully tell her no, but luckily there is one right behind her, Roger, who helps her find the baby’s parents. My first day and there have already been two missing children reported in Darling Harbour. After doing this job in Toronto for two years, I have not once encountered a single lost child and it has already happened here TWICE! As one of the final two busses of the day goes by, I see this little baby being practically DRAGGED by the mother who looks filthy. Two older children, both under 10 years of age, are inappropriately running around near her fighting and bumping into other people. RIDICULOUS! The baby is crying as the mother yells at it in some language I can’t quite decipher. I make eye contact with the child and for a brief moment and if that kid could talk I know it would say PLEASE SAVE ME! But remorsefully I can’t help.
At 4:30PM I am picked up on the bus and end up finishing the day with 584.85 AUD in sales. At this point I have no idea if that is good or bad. At the depot, I hand in all my stuff and Noelyne asks me how my day went and instead of giving her a longwinded description of the day’s events, I simply tell her “It was fine.” She checks my numbers and says, “Not bad…for your first day.” Noelyne and Miles tell me that there is a mandatory meeting tonight at 8PM that all staff MUST ATTEND.
A few of the workers have begun to set up a barbecue outside and are grilling some meat. I grab a Coke Zero from the fridge inside and am the first to fill my plate with some of the items on the table. The menu includes:
- scalloped potatoes
- greek salad with homemade dressing
- macaroni salad
- grilled sausage
- Shish-kebobs
- hamburgers
- chicken wings
While eating, I notice that more workers come in and everyone seems to be quite content and familiar with one another. I feel like an outsider here and instead of socializing, I just stuff my face with more and more food. Miles’ wife Patricia introduces herself to me and to their three kids: Max, Pia and Leo. Everyone is having a great time and joking around, chowing down the great feast in front of them. One of the drivers shows the kids how to grill the food properly and even allows them to flip the burgers and sausages a few times with the tongs. Miles appears out of the office and gets everyone’s attention:
“May I have everyone’s attention please?”
Silence occurs instantly
“Right, so I hope everyone is having a great time and thank you for bringing the food James and Noelyne. We all know by now why we are here and it has been a secret…well not really a well-kept secret…but I am happy to inform everyone here that as of tomorrow we will officially take over the brand known as Explorer.”
Applause and cheers of joy from the workers
“This franchise will officially be called ‘City Sightseeing Explorer’ and run 7 double decker Sydney Explorer busses and 3 double decker Bondi Explorer busses. I would like to firstly thank Patrick who has been helpful in pulling off this deal with the government. He has been a loyal driver and a close friend to us for over 10 year!. We couldn’t have done it without you buddy!”
Applause
“Next I would like to thank Noelyne who is the hardest working woman I know…other than my wife Patricia.”
Applause
“And finally I would like to thank Scott Mitchell, who has been with us for almost as long as the other two. A lot of you often get angry at him for being mean, but he is the best controller I have ever met and if it weren’t for him and Dale, our mechanic, things would not operate as smoothly as they do! THANK YOU ALL!”
STANDING OVATION OCCURS
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